Advice – I wasn’t invited to my close friend’s wedding.

“My [26F] friend [25F] and I don’t often meet up because our schedules often don’t line up. I usually try to make room for her in my schedule. To her credit, she also tries but is usually too tired after work. Despite this I still consider her a close friend from way back. She had a family-only ceremony and will be holding one for friends and family soon.

I know it’s dumb but I considered her family. Knowing she never saw me as one hurts a bit. Also, she hadn’t talked about marriage and it seemed to have come out of nowhere when she told me she was getting married . It had been radio silence for months before she sent me pictures saying she is now married.

I feel hurt and have yet to really say anything besides asking why I wasn’t invited.”

– Transferring to Earth, /r/relationship_advice.

Photo by Olenka Sergienko on

Dear Transferring to Earth,

Wedding is but a celebration of their relationship. I can’t tell if you are actually happy about your friend’s wedding, just that it is deeply buried in the feelings of pain from not being invited to their family-only wedding ceremony.

Maybe a better way to think about this is to re-frame your mindset around what you can do to celebrate your friend’s marriage instead of dissecting reasons on why you weren’t invited. The reasons themselves are ultimately inconsequential; she already made them. And even if there was a good reason on why you were not invited to her family-only ceremony, neither you nor I will be able to figure that out without living in her head for a little bit.

I also have a close couple friend with whom my partner and I chose not to invite to a very close wedding & reception. At the time, I felt that we weren’t all that close. But I have very often regretted not inviting them to my ceremony. Since then, we have had many a doggy double dates and board game get-togethers where we all bonded well, to make up for what was lost. They invited my partner and I to their very extravagant wedding they held a year and a half later, an event in which I felt very privileged to be a part of.

So instead of questioning why she doesn’t envision her connection with you the same way you envision her connection with her, why not choose this as a great opportunity to grow closer together. This way, you can become a better friend so that you can be invited in any future close gatherings your friend decides to host even if you’ve missed out on this one. And should you ever host your own events, maybe you can extend an invitation to her to let her know how much she means to you.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at If you liked my advice for this post, please follow me on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe below to get alerted when my next advice column is published!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s